Parshat Vayehi

 This week’s parsha is the last parsha in the book of Genesis and the last parsha where any of our forefathers is still alive.  The parsha signals the end of an era, and I believe it has a lesson for us about what it means to be part of the Jewish people.  This lesson is derived from one of Jacob’s final actions before passing away.

Most of the parsha tells the story of Jacob on his deathbed.  Before Jacob died he spoke to each of his sons and gave them blessings.  Jacob also blesses Joseph’s children.  While giving them a blessing he does something strange.  Instead of putting his right hand on the elder’s head and his left hand on the younger one’s head as was the usual protocol, he crossed his hands put his right on the younger one and his left on the older one.  Joseph noticed this and thinking that it was strange, he corrected Jacob.  But Jacob assured Joseph that he knew which one was which and that he had a reason for switching his hand.  He then blessed them and said, “by you shall Israel invoke blessings, saying: ‘God make you like Ephraim and Menasseh’ (Joseph’s sons).”

We have a tradition for blessing our children on Shabbat.  This line is the introduction to the traditional blessing that a parent gives a son on Shabbat (the blessing for daughters is introduced with, “may God make you like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah).  What’s strange about this blessing is that we don’t know all that much about Ephraim and Menasseh.  What are we supposed to think when we say, “God make you like Ephraim and Menasseh” ?

Every one of the forefathers’ homes had disturbing family dynamics.  Abraham is compelled by Sarah to banish Hagar and Ishmael, his other wife and son.  Isaac and Rebecca each had favorites, this led to Jacob stealing Esau’s blessing and Esau’s subsequent hatred of Jacob.  And Jacob chooses a favorite, which causes his brothers to plot his murder.  Although they never carried that out, they did succeed in selling him as a slave.  I would think that after all that, Jacob and his family would have learned its lesson about showing favoritism.   Yet, in this week’s parsha we see Jacob switching his hands while blessing his grandchildren and showing priority to the younger one over the elder. 

When Joseph arrives at Jacob’s bed with his children Jacob tells Joseph about how God blessed him and that he [Jacob] will allow Joseph’s sons to inherit as if they were is actual sons.  Then, before blessing the children he says, “Who are they?”  I find it hard to believe that Jacob didn’t know who they were considering how he had just finished telling Joseph that he was going to bless his children.  I think that when Jacob says, “who are they?” he is really wondering what type of people they are.  He wants to know if they care about each other or if they are rivals.  He wants to see if they have learned from the family history until that point or not.  So, I don’t think that Jacob is actually showing favoritism at all, rather, I think it is a test about their character and relationship.  When Jacob crosses his hands during the blessing, neither of the grandchildren corrects him.  They love each other as brothers and they do not have a rivalry that could lead to hatred like it did in previous generations.  When Jews bless their children, we are saying that we want our children to be like Ephraim and Menasseh, because they were able to love and care about each other without rivalry between them. 

Jacob was able to see in his lifetime the reconciliation of his sons, something Isaac and Abraham were never able to see.  In the beginning of the story of Joseph and his brothers the Torah tells us that Joseph and his brothers could not speak civilly to each other.  But at the end of the story they all dwelled together peacefully.  This is what made the children of Jacob worthy of becoming the heads of the tribes of Israel.  Despite the terrible family drama, by the end they were able to come together as a family and love each other as brothers.  It is the way in which Ephraim and Menasseh respond to Jacob’s test, showing brotherly love to each other, that the Jewish people bless their sons to be like them for all time.

I met a man this week who told me that he always tries to love all Jews.  Of course, there is a Jewish value in caring for all of God’s creations.  But there is an additional value of loving the Jewish people.  I believe that when one can love those closest to them despite differences, it helps towards being able to respect and care for the rest of the world as well.  Love and tolerance begins with those closest to you.  All week I’ve been thinking to myself, “what an amazing perspective, to be able to enter into a conversation or relationship with a fellow Jew with an attitude of love.”  It’s so easy to get caught up in fearing other Jews who are different from the way I am, judging them unfavorably, assuming that the other one is judging me, etc.  The way we enter into a conversation can have a powerful impact on the relationship that the conversation builds.  If we enter with negative perspectives, we continue to keep ourselves from living as brothers and sisters with our fellow Jews.  This man is an example of Ephraim and Menasseh. It’s often difficult to love and tolerate those closest to you when they are different, but being able to overcome that fear and feel unconditional love for our brothers and sisters is one of Jacob’s last lessons to the Jewish people.  In order to achieve this unity it might take work, it might take a conscious attempt to love the other, but in the end the hope is that it will lead to a better life and ultimately a better world.