Parshat Ki Tissa/My Brother's aufruf

This week’s Parsha contains in it the terrible tragedy of the sin of the golden calf, and the subsequent destruction of the tablets by Moses when he returns from Mt. Sinai to the Jewish people worshipping the idol they built in his absence. After destroying the first set of tablets and dealing with the people in the aftermath of this sin, God instructs Mosesto return to the mountain and carve out a new set.

When you compare the first and second set of tablets, we would automatically assume that first set is holier and of more importance than the second set, because they were made by God and not Moses. Yet, it is the second; man-made set that last for all eternity, while the divinely wrought tablets survived only for moments before being destroyed. This is strange because usually between things that are made by man to things that are made by God, it is the things that God makes which last forever.

Furthermore, in this week’s Parsha when Moses returns with the second set of tablets, we learn that his face was illuminated, there is no similar description to the radiance of Moses' countenance after having received the first set of tablets.

Despite the fact that they were manmade, it seems like the second set of tablets hold more significance than the first set which were made by God. How are we to understand this?

Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, in his commentary on this week’s Parsha, provides us with an approach as to how to make sense of this strange situation. Rabbi Sacks explains it by connecting it to a fundamental principle in Jewish mysticism.

Sometimes spiritual moments of awakening are initiated by God, and other times they are experienced as a result of the effort exerted by people. The Kabbalah calls these two types of divine human encounters – איתערותא דלעילה, איתערותא דלתתא - an awakening from above, and an awakening from below. The most important distinction between the two is that, while an awakening from above may be a more intense experience in the moment; it can have the power to change nature, but it does not change human nature. When the connection comes from above, the person involved was passive, there was no effort expended and therefore no permanent growth experienced. The experience is overwhelming, but it is fleeting and impossible to replicate. It is not the basis of realistic and sustainable relationship with God.

When the connection to God is motivated by the effort and struggle of the person down here, in this world, connecting to God through normal life, then a person’s nature can change, and true growth happen, and a meaningful relationship with God can develop. We get out of our relationships what we put in. To experience a true awakening that has a lasting impact on us, we need to do the hard work. This is why the Torah demands such a rigorous system of performance of mitzvoth and observing halachah in all aspects of our lives. The mitzvoth are for our benefit, they are the tools we use to develop a lasting connecting to God, in a way that challenges us and forces us to grow.

This is what is symbolized in the lasting nature of the tablets that Moses made versus the divinely wrought set, and it is why Moses' face shone with divine light after doing the hard work of carving out the second set of tablets. Just like the first set of tablets which were made by God and only lasted a short time, when we are inspired by an intense but fleeting spiritual emotion, our connection is severed when that moment passes. But when we put the work in to commit ourselves to permanent connection, even when it’s less intense, then just like the second set of tablets , it can stand the test of time.

There is a midrash which reflects this idea, the midrash is trying to establish what the most important verse in the Torah is. The midrash says,

Ben Zoma says that it is the shema, with its focus on the oneness of God.

Ben Nannas’s opinion is that the most important verse is, you shall love your neighbor as you love yourself, because of its focus on charity and obligations towards your fellow human being.

Ben Pazzi said that there is still a more important Pasuk than either of those. He cites the verse for the daily sacrifice which was brought every single day in the Temple. ואת הכבש האחד תעשה בבוקר ואת הכבש השני תעשה בן הערבים. Because of its focus on consistency. Without consistency, no feeling of religious fervor inspired by faith in God or by community is of any value.



This is an important lesson with regard to the way in which we consider our relationship with God. It also serves as a vital lesson about the relationship with a spouse and the transition of marriage, on the occasion of my brother's upcoming wedding this weekend.. When you first fall in love it is like the divinely inspired awakening which is intense and exciting, but it is not what gives the relationship the strength and tools to stand the test of time. The beatles were wrong, love is not all you need. What you need is consistency, hard work, and dedication. Marriage is 24/7, you are always together, not just in your good moods, but in the bad moods too. Marriage is about doing what’s best for the relationship even if you don’t feel like it.

At the end of this week’s Parsha, Moses makes a strange request of God, he asks God to maintain the divine presence amongst the people despite their sins, because as the verse says, “they are a stiff-necked people.” This is very strange because only a chapter earlier God said, “For I know them, and they are a stiff-necked people. Now leave me along so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them.” What is going on? If God wants to destroy them because they are a stiff-necked people, why in the world would Moses tell God to remain in the their midst for the same reason?

I think that Moses is teaching us an important lesson about relationships. A relationship that has true love and can stand the test of time is not a relationship where there is no disagreement or conflict. It is when there is conflict, but that conflict is dealt with in a healthy way. It is normal for people who spend more time with each other than anyone else in the world to get on each other’s nerves, it is normal for them to upset one another. But when both people truly care about each other and are devoted to one another, they deal with those areas of tensions, and they can look on another in the eye when they’re upset. They do not avoid areas of conflict, through dealing with conflict in a healthy way, they make their relationship stronger.

This is what Moses was asking God. He was asking God to stick it out, to remain in a relationship that will take some work. There might be things that make you want to kill each other, but working through those moments makes the relationship so much stronger, and the love felt for each other much much deeper.

This is what marriage is all about. There will always be moments of love from above when you just feel like it’s right, but the true strength of a relationship comes from the work that the individuals put into the relationship when it’s not easy. Which is why the traditional Jewish blessing to give to a married couple is, “may you build a בית נאמן בישראל (secure household in Israel),” because a healthy relationship isn’t a passive experience, it is always a building in progress.