Parshat Vayigash

Parshat Vayigash

Rabbi Daniel Levitt

There has been some distressing news coming out of Israel this week if you’ve been paying attention.  This week there have been protests and demonstrations; the media has picked up on the treatment of women, by ultra-orthodox men in Israeli society.  The issues have primarily focused on the 8 year old girl in Beit Shemesh who gets harassed for not dressing “frum” enough, and on the segregated buses where women are made to sit in the back of the bus.  The news tends to sensationalize things and it’s easy to demonize the behavior of this group of men treating people terribly in the name of the religion.  It’s important to realize that these extremists among the ultra-Orthodox, while deplorable, are a small minority.  But these stories are symptomatic of the situation that has been going on for some time now, there is a battle raging in Israel between the ultra-Orthodox and the Secular.

It is a very polarizing battle; each side sees things in terms of blacks and whites.  For the secular, who don’t understand or respect the ultra-Orthodox they see their own way of life being attacked by ALL of the ultra-Orthodox who they see as forcing religion into Israeli society.  The mere sight of a black coat and beard can be offensive to some.  For the ultra-Orthodox, they view the rest of the world as being against them in their desire to live modest, religious lives, without the distractions and attractions of the outside modern world.   When the secularists, or Israeli law authorities, condemn their lifestyles, they feel attacked and discriminated against.

This is a complex situation; there is no easy resolution in sight.

Some people see it as a clear evil, talking about forcing someone to the back of the bus makes Americans think of Jim Crowe segregation, while in fact this is not exactly parallel.  And it’s important to note that many ultra-Orthodox women are more comfortable in separate seating and actually prefer this situation.  Other people might be under the impression that there is no problem with the buses at all, that the problem lies with the secular society trying to make separate seating illegal.  They feel that the only people who would ever ride these buses the first place are people who are comfortable with this type of segregation, so why stir up controversy?  Just as a point of information, the Israeli Supreme Court has ruled that these buses are lawful so long as everyone on the bus is ok with the separation. 

After seeing countless news articles on this subject this week I wanted to understand some of the latest headlines from a more personal perspective.  Thank God for facebook.  I posted the question on facebook this week,” has anyone ever been on one of these segregated busses?”  It was interesting to me that all of my facebook friends who responded were women.  I asked them to describe the experience for me so that I could understand first hand, rather than from the news what it was like.  Most of the respondents felt the need to respect the wishes of the ultra-Orthodox men and were not bothered by the situation even if it meant getting motion sickness in the back of the bus or having to pay more or take a much longer route in order to use a non-segregated bus.  There was a desire on their part for mutual respect and a need for tolerance.  But unfortunately, that desire was not always reciprocated. 

I want to read to you what one of the women wrote to me, and draw a lesson from what she writes to the Parsha this week.

I used to have to take the Chareidi (Ultra-Orthodox) separate bus back from Bar Ilan University to my parents’ house in Bet Shemesh.  Without going into detail, I think I should tell you that I am generally considered to be modest in dress, and I definitely believe in respecting the norms of the Chareidi community when I enter their community. I have also never been accused of a lack of self-confidence. Which may be why it was so surprising that, since that first trip, I avoided the separate buses as much as I could. People would ask me why I chose to take the more expensive and less convenient transportation back home to my family, and I would answer, only half-jokingly, that I was not a middle aged Black woman in the South 60 years ago. Of course, there were times when I had no other option. While most of these trips were not noteworthy, I can distinctly recall one trip when the driver graciously allowed me to get on in the front, until when one red bearded man started raising his voice in protest and I backed down, got off the bus and boarded from the back. I was ashamed. And I was angry.

Still, I think nothing compares to the time I spent on the 1 bus, which travels from Jerusalem’s Central Bus Station to the Western Wall, via the Chareidi neighborhood of Meah Shearim. The popular bus route is truly a melting pot of races, cultures and denominations. Although now the bus is, for the most part, mixed, there was a period of a few years that extremists had succeeded in imposing a strict segregation. I don’t know if it was the harsh contrast of the profoundly religious experience at the Western Wall, compared with the wholly profane experience of the bus, but some of the worst interactions I have had in my life took place on that bus. Rides on that bus frequently left behind a bitter emotional aftertaste- from the shame I felt when I meekly moved to the back upon being “kindly informed” that the bus was now separate, or the disgust I felt as I stood crammed in the back of the bus while the men in the front had seats to spare, or the incredible indignation and utter incomprehension I experienced as men who refused to even look at me had no problem pushing into me and slamming into me with the entire weight of their bodies as they forced their way onto the bus. But the bitterness of all those emotions could not compare with the acrid hatred that would engulf me after these encounters. While I hated the way they made me feel ashamed, or the way I believed they focused on the letter of the law while ignoring the values and spirit of the law, what I hated most of all was the way they made me hate them.

I, who had always tried to defend the Chareidi community, found myself badmouthing them in frustration after each and every one of these rides. I, who always tried to find the best in people, found myself looking for the worst. I, who firmly believes in the power of love and acceptance, could not find it in my heart to love or accept.

My father always says that the quickest way to get someone to dislike you is by making them think you dislike them. It is human nature; we treat others the way we are treated. I don’t know who started this vicious cycle of intolerance and hatred. I hope we can find a way to end it.

That note of hope is how she ends her letter, and that is what I’d like to connect to this week’s Parsha.

This is a complex situation.  There are halachic considerations which need to be respected with regard to the closeness of the seats, how crowded these buses can get, and the need to protect people who do not tolerate physical contact between men and women.  But there has to be a better way of ensuring that Jewish law is maintained.  Jewish society also needs to respect the general dignity of human beings, and model a religious lifestyle which reflects behavior that our sages describe as, derekh eretz kadma l’torah - ethical behavior comes before the Torah.

Wouldn’t it be nice if both sides could listen and respect the other side, understand what is upsetting their fellow Jew, and work together to come up with a mutually agreeable solution.  Women shouldn’t feel, as one of my friends described, let down by the orthodox world that they were supposed to look to for guidance and inspiration.  But, how does Israeli secular society treat the religious?  An employee of an Israeli non-profit that monitors worldwide anti-Semitism responded to a question about whether it monitors anti-Semitism in Israel, she responds that they can’t, out of fear of losing funding.  What anti-Semitism could she be referring to in Israel of all places?  She says, "I'm not talking about the Arabs. I'm referring to attacks originating from the Israeli left. I'm ashamed to say that if the same standards and definitions were applied in Israel, many left-wing political statements and media reports would be considered anti-semitic.The orthodox world shouldn’t be judged by the actions of a few extremists and made out to look like vicious horrible people, and they shouldn’t be forced to compromise on their personal religious values in of all places, the Jewish state, when it’s not negatively impacting others.  Hatred and the downright anti-Semitism that occurs in secular Israeli which is directed at the orthodox are also not acceptable.  

Emotions and tempers on this issue are understandably hot.  This week we saw thousands of demonstrators against the treatment of women in the ultra-orthodox, there were Jews at these demonstrations chanting slogans and holding signs about the evils of religion.  These opponents of what they see the chareidi-zation of Israeli society often make false assumptions that all women are constantly subjugated and discriminated against in the ultra-Orthodox world.  Which, if you have ever spent time with ultra-orthodox families, is clearly a gross overgeneralization and most of the time patently false.  In response to these demonstrations, ultra-orthodox men in Beit Shemesh held their own demonstrations, which according to many reports, turned into a small riot.  

On this issue and all disagreements in general, the more each side digs in to their position, the more each side stops listening to the other, the more each side is made to feel defensive of their way of life, the less likely that either side will listen and understand; making it impossible for both to desire reconciliation.

In this week’s Parsha we have one of the most famous reconciliations.  Joseph reveals himself to his brothers.  After having been mistreated and then sold as a slave by his brothers, Joseph became Prime minister of Egypt, second in power only to Pharaoh himself.   With his brother’s destiny in his hands, Joseph revealed himself to his brothers.  What a moment!  Can you imagine how you would feel if you were Joseph, would you be able to withstand the desire for revenge?  Can you imagine how you would feel if you were one of the brothers?  The shame, guilt, embarrassment and fear?  Yet, we know the rest of the story; they all lived happily ever after.

How were they able to reconcile?  Not knowing that the Egyptian Prime Minister was their brother Joseph, the brother’s spoke openly between each other.  Joseph was able to overhear all the guilt and remorse expressed between each of his brothers. Yehuda had made a heartfelt plea to Joseph on behalf of his brother Benjamin to protect Benjamin and have mercy on their father. When Joseph saw that his brothers truly felt sorry for the way they treated him, had learnt from the experience and were now going out of their way to protect Benjamin, only then did Joseph feel safe enough to reveal himself.  With Joseph and his brothers, reconciliation was possible because the brothers’ remorse and true emotions were revealed to Joseph.  Would they have been as honest and as open if they had known it was him?  Would any of us?

How many of us have avoided apologizing, avoided reconciling simply because of the discomfort of having to do it?  Sometimes we know we are wrong, but saying sorry is hard.  Sometimes we refuse to admit to ourselves that we have done any wrong; because we feel that we have been wronged as well.  It is hard to look someone in the face with whom you disagree and try to really listen and understand where they’re coming from; it is hard to look someone in the face who has done something wrong to you, sometimes it’s even harder to look someone in the face of whom we have done something wrong to.

The lesson for us is that for reconciliation to occur, we must look the other side in the face.  We need to respect and understand where they are coming from.  It’s not always easy, but it’s always necessary.  In Israel, there is complexity and validity on both sides, no one is totally wrong all of the time and certainly no one is right either.  I don’t know how reconciliation will happen, but I do know that if things continue the way they are going, with both sides feeling more and more attacked and less and less respected, I fear that it is going to get a lot worse before it can get better. 

This is true in our personal lives as well.  If we can’t listen to people we disagree with, can’t understand where they are coming from, and aren’t willing to accept fault, then we leave little room for the other person to listen to us, understand us, and ask themselves where they have gone wrong.  When posturing ourselves like this our interpersonal rifts will just keep getting wider, it has to stop somewhere. 

May all of us, the entire Jewish people, and the entire world be blessed with the courage of Joseph and his brothers to make the effort to care more about creating peace and understanding, than in protecting our own pride.  

Parshat Miketz

The Chinese word for crisis is composed of two characters.  One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.  The underlying concept here is that when a crisis occurs there are two possible outcomes.  When faced with a crisis, if we lose hope and do nothing, the crisis will definitely be dangerous.  But, if we view crisis as an opportunity, it can motivate us to action, re-think, re-imagine, be persistent, and grow.  A crisis is not the end; it is merely an opportunity to move forward differently.
So the question is: how do we navigate the potential danger of a crisis so that it becomes a moment of opportunity?

We can find an answer to that question from Joseph’s behavior in this week’s Parsha.  The Parsha begins with Pharaoh’s dreams.  Pharaoh had dreams that were very troubling to him.  In his first dream he saw seven beautiful and robust cows along the banks of the Nile.  Then, all of a sudden seven disgusting looking emaciated cows rise out of the Nile and ate the seven beautiful cows without the appearance of the ugly cows not changing at all.  In his second dream, he dreamt of seven beautiful ears of corn growing strong only to be followed by seven unhealthy looking ears of corn which then proceeded to swallow up the seven beautiful healthy looking ears of corn.

When Pharaoh woke up in the morning he was extremely agitated by these dreams.  He looked for someone to interpret the dreams for him.  But in all of Egypt he couldn’t find anyone who could interpret the dream to his satisfaction.  At this point, the butler who had spent time with Joseph in prison, tells Pharaoh about Joseph and his ability to successfully interpret dreams.             

Upon hearing Pharaoh’s dreams, Joseph told Pharaoh that his dreams werereally one dream with the same message, and the message is a warning about an impending crisis.  He said that the message of the dream was that there were going to be seven years of plenty, and good harvests, followed by seven years of famine.  And the famine would be so bad that no one would even remember the years of abundance which had led up to the famine.  That is the end of the interpretation of the dreams, but it is not the end of what Joseph said to Pharaoh.  In the face of this impending crisis, with its potential to be a disaster, Joseph advised the king on how to prepare for the crisis.  He told Pharaoh that with proper planning this could become a moment of opportunity for him, and proceeded to formulate a plan on what to do.

When faced with the possibility for disaster, Joseph did not despair, he gave hope to everyone around him by formulating a plan which would enable them to have hope and do something so that the crisis could become a moment of opportunity.  Pharaoh sees the greatness of Joseph’s attitude and ability to act when necessary, and is so impressed that he appointed him as the prime minister with the responsibility of overseeing their plan of action to turn the famine into an opportunity.

It is often a human reaction during a time of crisis to despair: what do we do?  What’s going to happen?  All is lost!  Joseph’s lesson is, don’t just stand there, do something.  He had no idea whether his plan would work, but it was better than nothing, having a course of action gave them something positive to focus on, rather than focusing of the negativity of the possibility of danger.  This gave Pharaoh hope and confidence.  We can’t always control the outcome of any particular crisis, but we can control our attitude when facing the crisis.  With a positive attitude that motivates us to do something during a crisis, we will feel some hope and we will emerge from that situation stronger people.
Crisis has the potential for danger or opportunity, we can’t control the outcome of the crisis but we can control whether we turn it into an opportunity or not.

I would argue that if you look at any crisis in the history of the world we would find instances when some people gave up hope, but we’d also see other people who find an opportunity in that crisis to grow.

Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor and psychologist, wrote a book about his experience as a prisoner in Auschwitz.  The first part of the book is his story and in the second half he explores the psychological part of his experience.  He says, that in Auschwitz everyone knew when one of their fellow prisoner’s was about to die, it might not happen tomorrow or the day after, but the people who had given up hope had certain look that was obvious to those around them that their end was near.  He said they used to call them the walking dead, because when a person gave up hope in the camps, nine times out of ten they weren’t going to make it much longer.  We can’t judge those who suffered in the camps. Realistically, most of us might’ve given up hope too in similar circumstances.  Frankl says that the question which needs to be asked isn’t, why did they give up hope, that’s obvious; Rather, the interesting psychological question is how did anyone hold on to any hope in the camps.  The answer to that question is his primary thesis, and the answer is basically that people who had something to live for, people who still saw the potential for meaning in life, maintained their will to live.

I can’t think of a crisis more extreme than living as a prisoner in a concentration camp.  Thankfully most of us have never faced a crisis anywhere near something as challenging as that.  But the message that hope can help us in times of danger and distress is a very profound message.  We usually do not have a choice about what will happen to us in life, but we can try to choose how to handle whatever situations life puts us in. Hope is better than despair.

This lesson is the real message of Chanukah as well.  The Jews in the Chanukah story were facing a major crisis. The tiny Jewish people were facing their possible destruction by one of the most dominant military powers in the history of the world, and the forced assimilation into one of the most influential cultures in the history of the world.  What were they to do?  Should they give up hope, believe that there was no way of escaping such power, and just accept their inevitable destruction?  Or should they do something about it?

There was no way of knowing what the outcome would be, but the Maccabees were the heroes of the story because they decided that despite the possibility of destruction they would not give up hope, they would do something, they would try to overthrow their enemies against all odds.  Holidays are celebrated so that the memory of the experience will continue to serve as a lesson.  Chanukah is not just about celebrating our survival, that’s not a unique lesson for a jewish holiday,  Chanukah has its own unique message.  Chanukah is a lesson to us about the power of hope.  Disaster seemed imminent, but the heroes of the Chanukah story influenced the Jewish people to have hope and do something to try to save themselves.  After beating the Assyrian Greek army and kicking them out of the Temple, they only found enough oil for one day, but they used it anyway and miraculously it lasted much longer than they anyone could’ve predicted.  When faced with great darkness, even a little light can go a long way.
May we all be blessed with the strength of faith to give us the hope to turn moments of crisis into moments of opportunity and growth.  Good Shabbos!

Parshat Vayeishev

At the end of this week’s Parsha, after being sold into slavery in Egypt, Joseph experiences a lot of success in everything he does.  First, he is promoted to the head slave of his master’s house, then while in jail he is placed as the overseer of the entire prison.  The trust and responsibility he was given on both of these occasions is rather impressive, and both occasions have significant similarities.
Let’s look at the verses describing both instances of Joseph’s success:

·         God was with Joseph and he became a successful man, and this was in the house of his Egyptian Master.  His master saw that God was with him, and that God made him successful in everything he did.  Joseph found favor in his eyes, and he served him personally.  He appointed him over his household, and placed all that he had into his hands.  From the time he appointed him overseer in his household and over all that he had, God blessed the Egyptian’s household because of Joseph.  God’s blessing was in everything he had, in the house and in the field.  He left everything he had in Joseph’s hands, and besides him he knew of nothing except the bread he was eating… (Gen 39:2-6)

·         God was with Joseph and he turned toward him with benevolence; He made him pleasing to the chief of the prison.  The chief of the prison committed to Joseph’s hand all the prisoners who were in the prison.  Everything that they did there was for him to do.  The chief of the prison did not see to anything that was entrusted to Joseph, for God was with him, and whatever he did, God made successful.  (Gen 39:21-23)

In both episodes, Joseph is entrusted with such a high level of responsibility by his masters that they felt comfortable delegating all of their responsibilities to Joseph, and they never felt the need to even check on him to make sure that he was doing the job right.  Furthermore, Pharaoh will repeat this level of delegation to Joseph in next week’s Parsha, when he appoints him as the prime minister and overseer over all of Egypt.
What was it about Joseph that made him so successful and trustworthy?  The Torah explains, throughout the verses quoted above, that God was with Joseph, and God made him successful.  There is an important lesson here about how our relationship with God can impact our general competency and the impressions we make on others.
This lesson is derived from how we understand the meaning of, “God was with Joseph,” and the way we view Joseph’s personality in light of that understanding.  The simple explanation of this phrase is that God simply blessed Joseph, but Joseph was completely passive.  In order for God’s divine plan to be carried out, it was necessary for Joseph to be elevated to these positions.  God made sure that Joseph was successful so that he would end up in the right place at the right time.
With that explanation, the understanding of God being with Joseph is more of a history lesson, a detail of the story, but not a lesson for future generations to emulate.  My understanding of the Torah is that, though it describes history, it is not a history book.  The Torah is a guidebook; the Torah teaches us how to live.  Details of the stories in the Torah are not anecdotal; they are there to teach us something.
What do we learn from God being with Joseph?  The lesson is in the way that Joseph actively brought God into everything he did.  Joseph’s mindfulness of God into everything he did can account for his success, and is the source of his trustworthiness.  The evidence for this is from whenever Joseph speaks during this part of the story he mentions God.
From chapter 39 in this week’s Parsha, through chapter 41 in next week’s Parsha, we hear Joseph speak on 3 occasions.  It can be drawn from the fact that every time he speaks, God is on his lips, that he had a constant mindfulness of God that impacted how he acted in the world and how people viewed him in return.  When refusing his master’s sexual advances, Joseph emphasizes to her that sleeping with her, beyond being dishonest to his master, would be, “a sin against God” (39:9).  In prison, when encouraging the butler and the baker to share their dreams with him so that he can interpret them, he gives credit to his ability to interpret dreams to God (40:8).  Lastly, in next week’s Parsha, when brought before Pharaoh as a person who can interpret dreams, the first thing Joseph says is, “It (dream interpretation) is not up to me, May God provide an answer that will be for Pharaoh’s welfare” (41:16).
God was with Joseph because Joseph actively made God a part of his life. Being God conscious in this way is a major part of the entire system of Jewish law.  We are commanded to love God when we wake up in the morning, during the day, and when we lie down to sleep at night.  The Shulchan Aruch (code of Jewish laws) begins with discussions of how a person should wake up in the morning, teaching us to start out our day with God consciousness so that it can influence how we act the rest of the day.  Furthermore the entire system of Jewish laws pertain to all aspects of our life, the way we dress, eat, treat others, do business, etc.  The goal of this system is to have a positive attitude and approach to everything we do in life motivated by a deep seated God consciousness.  We may not be able to reach the level of Joseph, but the more effort we put in, the closer we can get to reaching our full potential.

Parshat Vayishlach

At the end of this week’s Parsha there is a rather disturbing episode.  Jacob’s daughter Dina gets kidnapped and raped by one of the local Canaanite prince’s.  After the incident, the rapist’s father attempts to betroth Dina to his son.  Initially Jacob’s family agrees to the marriage under the condition that the entire city converts to the Jewish religion and all the men get circumcised.  After agreeing to the demands, Jacob’s sons, Shimon and Levi, sneak into the city and kill them all in retaliation for what had happened to their sister.

Even though Shimon and Levi believed that they were justified for what they did, Jacob scolds them harshly.  He fears for the way in which his family will be perceived by the rest of their neighbors as a result of their vengeance.  There is a Midrash which adds depth to the nature of Jacob’s disapproval of their terrible act.  Rather than seeing Jacob’s objection based solely on self-preservation, this Midrash shifts the focus on how the immoral action of Shimon and Levi will undermine the mission of the Jewish people.

The Midrash (Bereishit Rabbah Vayechi 98:5) is based on the verse from at the end of the book of Genesis, where Jacob was speaking to all of his children on his deathbed.  In the verse where he speaks to Shimon and Levi, the verse says, “…they hamstrung an ox.”  The Midrash translates the Hebrew (עקרו שור – akru shor) differently.  This Midrash explains it as meaning that they destroyed a wall, and it explains that they destroyed the wall of proselytes.  Underlying this Midrash is an assumption that there are a number of walls which uphold the house of Israel.  One of these walls is conversion. 

Judaism is not a proselytizing religion, there is a mitzvah to convert someone who sincerely wants to cast his or her lot with the Jewish people, but the focus of this midrash seems to put a weight on conversion that we don’t traditionally find.  So what does it mean?  The mission of the Jewish people is to be light to the Nations of the world.  This can be done by positively influencing others to be better people and make the world a better place.  In order for the rest of the world to be willing to be influenced by the Jewish people, it is necessary that there is at least a minimal amount of respect for them.  Throughout the midrashic commentaries on the stories of the patriarchs we see a description of our forefathers influencing, teaching, and converting the world to their moral perspective, belief in one God, and the ethics which are influenced by such a belief.  Jacob feared that by deceiving the Canaanites by allowing them to convert, and subsequently killing them, Shimon and Levi had undermined the potential to fulfill their mission in the world

This reprimand was ultimately a statement that to his children that they have given the rest of the world a reason to mistrust the Jewish people and lose respect for them, thereby undermining their potential to influence them positively.  Since Shimon and Levi have given them cause to think that they are dishonest and immoral people, the rest of the world will not consider learning anything from them.  Jacob’s perspective is that their crime has far more negative implications than the act itself, heinous as it may have been; what they did was also a chillul hashem (a terrible sin where a person causes others to lose respect for God, Judaism, and the Jewish people). 

Sometimes our zealousness for our own religious observance causes us to ignore the impact our actions are having on others.  The entire purpose of Judaism is to influence goodness in the world.  We can’t lose sight of the forest from the trees.  The way in which we both embrace the Torah and treat other people can have a profound effect on how people will view and respect Judaism and the potential to influence an openness to learn from Jewish wisdom.  If the way in which we observe Torah and mitzvoth will cause others to lose respect for Jews and Judaism than we have to consider the possibility that we aren’t observing the mitzvah correctly.

To be clear, I’m not arguing that it is acceptable not to observe the commandments; Rather, I’m pointing out that there is a lesson here regarding a bigger purpose in living an observant Jewish life than fulfilling a list of ordinances as if they are merely a points on a checklist, without any impact on who we are as a person.  There is a way of applying the commandments to our life that can inspire us and the people around us, but it requires a mindfulness and sensitivity to the way in which we are interacting with our fellows.  Living a Jewish life needs to be a Kiddush Hashem (the opposite of chillul Hashem, whereby a person’s causes a great respect for God, Judaism and Jews in the people they come in contact with).  This lesson was not only relevant to Jacob’s sons; it is a lesson that should reverberate to every Jewish person throughout the ages. 

Parshat Vayetze

There is a concept in Judaism that the ways of our fathers were closer to the "true" understanding of the torah.  The further back we can trace the origin of a law or a practice, the more "fundamental" or "perfect" that law must be.  In this concept change and adaptation are not seen as positive Jewish approaches to religion.

In this week's Parsha, I believe we see a challenge to this concept, in the actions and prayers of a personage no less fundamental than our forefather, Jacob....

Howard Thurman, a past Dean of Howard college and Boston University, author, theologian, educator and civil rights leader is quoted as saying, “don’t ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and go do it.  Because what the world needs are people who have come alive.”  I hear in this quote a belief that the world needs individuals committed to doing good in the way that they are best equipped to do it based on who they are, what their experiences have been and what is meaningful to them. 

I believe that Yaakov in this week's Parsha learns the same message. In the beginning of the Parsha God comes to Jacob in a dream as the God of his father Abraham and the God of Isaac, and assures him that he will be included in the blessing of Abraham, and says, “והנה אנכי עמך ושמרתיך בכל אשר תלך והשבתיך אל האדמה הזאת.” 

Remember I am with you: I will protect you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land.

Shortly after waking up from this dream, Jacob says something strange: The verse says, וידר יעקב נדר לאמר אם יהיה אלקים עמדי ושמרני בדרך הזה אשר אנכי הולך ונתן לי לחם לאכל ובגד ללבש,  ושבתי בשלום אל בית אבי והיה ה' לי לאלקים.

Then יעקב made a vow saying, if God remains with, if he protects me on this journey I am making, and gives me bread to eat and clothing to wear, and if I return home safe to my father’s house,  then the Lord shall be my God. 

But didn’t God JUST promise him that he will protect him and bring him back to this land?  What is going on here?  Jacob doubts God’s promise to him?  And how could he make a deal saying if you do this for me…then you’ll be my God?  Does that imply that if God would not do his part that he would no longer be a God for Jacob?  What kind of lesson is this from one of our forefathers?!?!?!?

The commentators give us many ways of understanding this statement, but I would like to offer a different way of looking at this verse.  We need to first understand this verse in the context of Jacob’s life.  Jacob’s grandfather Abraham left Charan, along with all of its culture and his family there to make a better life for himself in Israel.  Jacobs’s father Isaac never left Israel, Abraham even sent a messenger to find Isaac a wife so that Isaac wouldn’t have to leave.

And now Jacob is about to leave Israel and go back to exact same place, people and culture that Abraham had left behind.  Up until this point Jacob is a simple man, the Torah describes as a simple tent dweller.  Now, for the first time in his life he is going to be immersed in a foreign culture, where he will face brand new struggles and challenges.  This is a major transition in Jacob’s life and character.  In this context when Jacob makes a vow, Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch explains that rather than seeing it as Jacob making a vow.  We should understand the verse which says that, “Jacob vowed a vow,” as Jacob setting goals for himself.  Jacob was modeling for us a healthy way to navigate transitions in our life.  When faced with new struggles and challenges he evaluated his future, and then set up goals for who he wants to be and how he wants this transition to be a positive experience

Through this lens the rest of the verse takes on a deeper meaning:

Let’s look at the verse phrase by phrase:

·         if god is with me - it could mean: if I take God with me now that I’m on my own, away from the positive influence of my father’s house.

·         And if God watches over me on this journey that I am walking - meaning and God watches over me on this individual path that I’m walking, different than that of my father, and in the exact opposite direction of my grandfather.

·         And gives me bread to eat and clothes to wear - Why does he specify bread and clothes? Because cuisine and fashion are perhaps the most pronounced and obvious manifestations of cultural differences, and the Torah is highlighting that Jacob is preparing himself to face this culture different to the one he is used to.

·         And I will return in peace to the house of my father - Jacob doesn’t doubt that God will return him safely.  He is saying, Even though I will be immersed in this foreign culture and I will be having new experiences, I will return home to the place of my father in peace with who my father is and his way of life.

And the highlight of this inner monologue…

·         And God will be for ME a God - I will come through the challenge of these new experiences with a relationship with God as a personal God, not just the God of my father and grandfather.  I will bring a unique approach true to the tradition of my father and grandfather, but uniquely my own. 

 Jacob’s transition is a beautiful lesson about the value of forging your own path and how to do that.  He realized that if he had just followed in the strict path of his father and never experienced God for himself, then the blessings of God that he inherited as the offspring of אברהם would always be from the God of his father and Grandfather, but it would not be his own connection to a personal God.  He was afraid that without that connection his transition would not be a healthy one.

When facing new experiences, he identified what challenges would come with them and responded accordingly.  He wasn’t afraid of being different than what came before him; being different didn’t make him less deserving of the tradition of Abraham; being different was the only way for him to forge his unique relationship with God throughout the transitions of his life.

The lesson for us is no less profound.  We need to bring our own unique voice to religion in order to leave our own unique mark.  Just like Jacob it behooves us to re-evaluate our struggles and challenges brought on by our life’s situation from time to time, and re-formulate our spiritual goals as our lives change.  And like Jacob, we need to find a way of using our tradition to face those challenges, and our relationship with that tradition should transition along with us.

The way we experienced Judaism as a child needs to change as we become adults, our relationship with the Torah as a single person cannot be identical to the way we relate when we get married.  The challenges and struggles that come with the responsibilities of life as we have children should inspire us take responsibility for our religious life in a new way.  All the transitions of life big and small, a new Job, an empty nest, a loss of a loved one, the birth of a grandchild and so many more, are all opportunities for us to connect in new and different ways.

As life changes, Jacob inspires us to re-evaluate, re-connect, and renew our relationship with Judaism and with God.